May 19, 2008
No Tombstone Required
I was recently reminded, by one of my coaching clients, about my journey to unconditional love and wanted to share it with you. During a coaching session the question came up about why we seek outside validation. The client said in an almost exasperated voice “why can’t someone just notice once in a while what a good job I do and tell me so”? Then she stopped herself and said “why is it that we seek outside validation to make us feel good or noticed”?
This question made me reflect on my life and reminded me of a time when I would say to myself - when I was feeling particularly low – why can’t someone just love me? I struggled pretty much my whole life with this question. I thought all of my problems, struggles and pain would be fixed if I could just find someone to love me enough.
Well after thirty-six years I finally figured it out. I needed to love myself enough before I could ever expect someone else to love me enough. That was revelation number one. The next revelation was even more profound, when I discovered that once I finally got to the point of loving myself enough I didn’t need nor did I desire to have someone love me enough – I was enough.
This final revelation occurred when I was walking past the cemetery and the little voice in my head said to me – I won’t need a headstone because I am now finally living my life in such a way that I am making a difference in the world and that will be my legacy. Whether people remember me or not I know in my heart that if I continue to show up each day the way I am meant to live my life then I will make a difference in mine and everyone’s life I touch – so no tombstone required.
Now don’t get me wrong – I like the next guy like having people in my life who love me and since this journey have been able to attract someone into my life who mirrors the true definition of unconditional love. Until I completed this journey – I would not have been able to do so – we attract people into our life who mirror that which we are. So in the past, I attracted people into my life who couldn’t love me enough – thus mirroring my greatest fear – not being loved enough.
The journey to loving me was a long one filled with many obstacles along the way. Eventually, I was able to clear away those obstacles by taking the time to learn what those obstacles were trying to teach me. What obstacles are showing up in your life? What can you learn from these obstacles so you can heal that part of yourself? Do you look for outside validation? Are you unable to love yourself unconditionally? Look in the mirror – what are the people in your life reflecting back to you? Take the time to learn from it and begin to heal those parts of yourself that you don’t like.
I promise you, if you stop sweeping the obstacles aside and take the time to learn from them, you will begin to put the pieces of your soul back together - before you know it you will be having the same profound revelation that I did – you are enough and no tombstone required.
Need help clearing away the obstacles by dissecting what they are teaching you? Are you ready to begin the journey to unconditional love? Then sign up for a sample coaching session.
