Intentions Vs. Expectations
Did you ever turn to someone for support and understanding only to get disappointed because they didn’t say or do what you thought they should? Do you time and again hope for a different response from someone only to be rewarded with the same as always? Do you ever feel bitter, powerless, resentful, irritated or annoyed? If so you may be living in expectations rather then in intention.
You may say, “what is the difference and why do I care”. Well it is a matter of whether you want to be happy or unhappy and whether you want to be in control of your feelings or want others to determine how you feel. Undoubtedly those who live in expectations are unhappy more times then not and those who live in intention are genuinely happy. So let me ask you – would you rather be happy or unhappy? Would you rather be in control of your feelings or allow others to control how you feel?
Expectation is defined as what we believe should happen as a result of what we think, do or say. For example, a friend of mine was going through a very trying time and turned to her mother for support. Her exact words were “I called my mom and explained to her what was going on and I expected her to say, ‘I understand dear – you do what is right for you and don’t worry about the other situation I’ll take care of that”. Instead what she heard was – “well what are we suppose to do now”? I have known my friend for sometime and I know from what she has told me before that the response she received from her mother is not atypical. Even though that was the case she still expected a different response and undoubtedly was hurt, disappointed and frustrated.
As you can see, living in expectation, can cause you heartache, disappointment and unhappiness. So how do you know when you are living in expectations? You know you are living in expectations when you are attached to the outcome. Just like my example, my friend allowed her mother’s response to determine how she was going to feel about the situation. By being attached to the outcome my friend was giving up her control to her mother.
Have you ever approached a situation where you were attached to the outcome? What happened when it didn’t happen the way your expected it to? How did you feel?
If you are disappointed time and again because things don’t happen the way you expect maybe you want to think about living in intention. By choosing to live in intention you can reclaim your power. Unlike expectations – which are disempowering – intentions empower you. So how do you live in intention? Let us take the example of my friend. If she was living in intention, she would have gone to her mother, shared her story with the intention of letting her mom know what was going on without expecting any given response. This way she is not attached to the outcome. Living in intention allows you to accept yourself and others right where they are.
Being attached to the outcome is a big piece of the expectation puzzle however, language is just as important. The language of expectation is a huge indicator, statements such as – he should …, she is supposed to …, I need to … - is all examples of living in expectation and being attached to the outcome. Changing your language will give you back your power - so using statements such as “I want to…., I decide to …., or I choose to …” will allow you to live in intention and regain your power.
Don’t underestimate the power of language this includes both verbalized and internalized language. I challenge you to regain your power and live in intention. Each time you hear yourself using the language of expectation change it to the language of intention. Anytime you are attached to the outcome release it and live from intention.
If you are feeling bitter, powerless, resentful, irritated or annoyed then I encourage you to hire a coach to help you live your life through intention. Contact me today for a free sample coaching session .
