Do They Get It?

Have you ever experienced the glazed look in your children’s eyes – you know the one - that look you get when you are trying to instill some bit of wisdom or lesson? This look can make you feel frustrated and you wonder whether or not you are getting through to them. So do they get it – or are you just wasting your breath?

I am reminded, as another Holiday approaches, of a conversation I had with a mother this past  Christmas holiday about baking cookies, putting up the tree, wrapping the gifts and everything else that goes along with it. I admitted, which if anyone knows me knows that I swore I would never do – that I broke down and purchased a fake tree this year, it’s just easier I said. In the past I would always argue that if you are going to have a fake tree you might as well have fake presents under it. Funny how what you say comes back to bite you – so be cautious of your words. Well anyway, I am getting off track here. We eventually got to the age old issue of how each year it seems as if Christmas creeps up so quickly and we don’t always have time to get everything done.

This mother shared with me that one year it so happened that the weeks leading up to Christmas was so chaotic – with her job and other commitments – that she was facing Christmas eve and no tree decorated. The tree was up but it wasn’t decorated, so as she was running out the door to yet another commitment she said to her children, “there are the decorations, can you please get the tree decorated”. The mother then admitted to me that she is very particular about how her tree is decorated – can any of you relate? Then almost with tears in her eyes she said that when she came home the tree was decorated exactly as she would have done it – “they do pay attention”. You see there was a special place for certain special ornaments and the children made sure they were hung in the exact right places.

So you may be frustrated because you think that your children aren’t hearing you – and maybe they are not hearing you - but you can bet they are seeing you. What are your actions teaching them? This story shows that we instill values and beliefs in our children based more on our actions then our words – remember the old saying “actions speak louder than words”. This is very true for our children.

Life can get pretty busy and sometimes we run on auto-pilot to just get through the day. My challenge to you is to turn off the auto-pilot and begin to live each day consciously, think about what you do and how your actions impact your children. Be the person you want your children to be – then just maybe when you speak to them their eyes won’t glaze over – or even if they do you will know that they still hear you. And maybe just maybe one day you will be sharing your story with tears in your eyes saying “they really do get it”.

Need help turning off the auto-pilot? Then sign up for a sample coaching session.